Networking Is Broken for Introverts: Here’s a Better Way to Connect
I really despise this quote
“Your networth is your network.”
When I hear this quote, it translates to me that you should only befriend people who can do something for you and disregard others who can’t. Networking and making friends can be a shallow experience, especially for introverts.
But there is a unique way how to network for introverts.
When people are socially engineered to treat others as tools or objects to better their social circles and careers, the bigger and shinier objects will always get the attention of others.
In this case, this mindset is very extroverted, motivated by external factors.
Since there are more extroverts than introverts in Western society, rewards are often given to extroverts and are deemed “normal.” This is why traditional networking and making friends don’t work for introverts.
Here’s why it doesn’t work:
They need depth
Superficiality has a way of fooling people.
Networking events, parties, or any significant social events usually make those with social success trinkets stand out. This is all based on superficial trinkets such as career, houses, cars, trendy dressing, or social status.
In Western society, particularly the USA, superficial icebreakers such as “what do you do for a living” are the norm. Questions like these often elicit one-word answers from introverts, which are not only boring but also swift, effectively ending the conversation.
A question like “What do you offer the world?” would more than likely get an introvert to talk like an extrovert.
Introverts don’t just want small talk or casual acquaintances.
They seek meaningful, soul-level bonds, which can’t be rushed or faked.
Because of this, they might skip over potential friendships that don’t seem “deep enough.”
Introvert saying: “If we’re not talking about the universe, trauma, or purpose by week two… is this even real?”
Large crowds mentally drain them.
Introverts are energy takers.
Depending on who you talk to, introverts are empaths, lifeforce absorbers, or psychics. Spiritual people scientists, or yogis, all have different labels for introverts. Most people simplify it and say weird.
Most traditional ways to connect with others have always involved large groups. This has been going on since we were children. These types of social settings highlight introverts’ weaknesses instead of their strengths, such as connecting one-on-one.
This is how to network for introverts: Use your introverted superpowers to bring the right people in.
Core Reasons Introverts Struggle with Large Groups
Too much mental stimuli
Taking on people’s emotions
Too much superficial small talk
Hyper observant
They are natural social chameleons
Have you ever met someone who could easily fit in and be comfortable with any social group?
If you have, more than likely, some of these people were introverts. Introverts have a knack for understanding how social awareness works. Introverts are highly observant of social cultures, and once they understand how these cultures function, it is easy for them to assimilate.
This is a gift and a curse. The curse stems from being able to adapt to multiple cultural tendencies, which others might think is fake because most people can’t do this.
Introverts tend to “mask” or mirror others, especially early on, to avoid judgment or conflict.
Their intuitive sensitivity allows them to easily pick up on social cues, but they often overthink their role in every interaction.
This can lead to friendships where they’re not fully seen, which drains them over time.
They see the world differently
Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together — Eugene Ionesco
One of the things that brings people together is sharing the same ideology. This gives people the feeling of belonging. Nobody wants to feel left out or excluded from a group. Introverts often see the world differently from their peers.
Introverts are often the ones who can see the small things that others might overlook. Discussing these things with the majority usually leaves them confused and fosters negative perceptions towards introverts.
Most introverts are aware of this social dynamic, which leaves them feeling isolated because they cannot be their genuine selves.
They see beneath the surface
They challenge social norms quietly but persistently
They live with depth, which confronts others’ superficiality
Their intuition seems “Irrational” to thinkers or sensor types
They Struggle to Find “Their People”
When you are part of the minority in any social group, it will be challenging to find “your tribe”.
Introverts often have an unorthodox approach to life, particularly when it comes to connecting with and meeting people.
A specific set of traits, characteristics, and personality quirks is necessary for introverts to feel comfortable and genuinely be their authentic selves.
This doesn’t mean they can’t connect with others who don’t exhibit the ideal and core traits; it just means they have to use more energy to accomplish this.
Using unnecessary energy to connect with others who will more than likely misunderstand you will be a waste of time.
Emotionally intelligent
Intellectually curious
This desire for depth makes casual socializing feel unfulfilling, so they don’t connect easily with just anyone.
They’re often looking for people who share not just interests, but core values, emotional intelligence, and authenticity.
What Introverts Can Do About It
1. Start Small, Let “Good Enough” Lead to Great
Rapper Jay-Z once said this about not meeting enough real people: “Less is more, there is plenty of us.”
The majority of people adopt the prevalent extroverted mindset, which leads them to collect real-life friends in a way that resembles a simulated version of Facebook.
This is where introverts often struggle, as they try to make friends and network like extroverts. Introverts have a limited supply of social energy, and it should be used wisely. Introverts need to take baby steps, no matter how small they may appear.
The goal is to create momentum, enabling them to establish their own tribe and network of friends.
Not every friend has to be your soulmate.
Allow relationships to grow gradually instead of searching for instant resonance.
Deep friendship often forms through a consistent, low-pressure connection.
Unfortunately, dealing with people is a numbers game; since introverts take their time, the more people they meet, the more likely they are to find a few in their tribe.
The best connections allow time to flourish, so let them happen organically and don’t force connections.
The best practices for connection with introverts are to find a space where they don’t have to try too hard. It may sound counterproductive, but that’s precisely why introverts require different things from everyone else.
Action Step:
Taking small steps and connecting with individuals is far more effective than large networks.
It may not sound like starting small, but creating your own community is the introvert way. I have met and started a community through my podcast. This has taken off the pressure of meeting people because it’s something that I am genuinely interested in.
Podcast software for remote interviews where friendships are built: Riverside, Zencastr, Podcastle.
2. Be Authentically Selective, Not Secretive
When you speak all the time, nobody listens; when you say little, people tune in to listen.
Introverts are natural observers who give themselves a mental checklist to see if someone meets their criteria for friendship. So when people always ask the semi-rude question, “Why are you so quiet?”, introverts are processing all of the information that will help or hurt their chances of a friendship.
This is why, when introverts finally speak in a social setting, they have all the information they need and will usually say something insightful.
Once you have gathered information on a social setting, it is now time to set some boundaries with authenticity.
Instead of masking your values, share them early, gently, and with confidence.
The right people will be drawn to your authenticity — even if it feels vulnerable at first.
You will also repel the wrong people from your authenticity.
Introverts usually have such unorthodox thinking that most won’t like you or relate to your depth because they don’t know how to debate your intellect.
Most people have no depth, so they can only see things from a superficial perspective. This is where authenticity comes in.
Check out the book “The Courage to Be Disliked” to help you further step into your authenticity.
3. Create Meaningful Contexts for Friendship
The bigger the crowd, the easier it is to get lost.
The more the merrier. I think you get the point. Social gatherings, networking events, parties, or anything that has to do with large gatherings are always about size. Extroverts thrive in these kinds of situations.
Social customs in Western society take their playbook from this and expect everyone else to conform to it. When introverts attempt to go to these events and behave like extroverts, they fail miserably.
They fail because introverts connect with people on a one-on-one basis. That is where they are at their best. Chaos environments with an overload of mental stimuli are for extroverts.
Introverts need to connect with purpose, not to feel a dopamine hit by meeting random people like extroverts.
INFJs thrive in value-aligned spaces, like:
These spaces allow natural, purpose-based connection, which feels more authentic than party chatter or apps.
Here are some of the spaces I connect with like minds:
Purpose-Driven Online Communities = The Purpose Driven Mind Newsletter by introvert Aaron Pang
Personal Development & Coaching Groups = Wenzes the INFJ coach
Values-Driven Professional Networks = The Lemon Tree Mindset by introvert Veronica Llorca-Smith
Social Impact & Nonprofit Circles = I use Showaround to connect with other Brazilians
4. Balance Depth with Play
Contrary to the popular belief that introverts are these shy and stoic creatures, they are natural comedians.
This is where the superpowers of observation and relating to others come into play. It is the charming balance of connecting with others with depth and humor that wins over lifelong friends and leaves lasting impressions on people.
Once introverts reel you in with charismatic humor that will surprise you, then they will hit you with some earth-shattering depth.
Using this combination adds depth to your play, making you an interesting person.
Let yourself be light and goofy sometimes, not every interaction has to be meaningful.
Shared fun builds trust and safety, which later allows for emotional depth.
Use your introvert powers and make light, thoughtful jokes about things everyone notices but doesn’t say aloud.
Introverts tend to crave deeper conversations, but not everyone is ready for that right away.
Reminder for introverts
Your empathy, depth, and insight are superpowers.
You don’t need a lot of friends, just a few genuine, emotionally safe people.
You’re not too much. You’re just waiting for the ones who match your frequency.
Conclusion
Reassure: You don’t have to fake being extroverted to be a great networker or to find your people
Encourage taking one small step
Start making friends your way
Can introverts be good at making friends and networking? Hell yes, because they are intentional about who they let into their social circles, unlike everyone else.
Can introverts flourish at social events? You know it; they do this by using their observational strengths to read the room and see who they vibe with.
There it is, how to network for introverts, the creative and introverted way.